Carbohydrates.
I love 'em. LOVE them.
Potatoes. Pasta. Rice.
Could eat them in large quantities.
Daily.
And I sort of was, which might explain why I started favouring the elastic waistband of my trackie bottoms over my jeans, and I started recycling the same outfit day after day. The one that made me feel least fat.
And so it has been for the last year (or two).
But there comes a point in this ongoing contemplation where you have to make a decision.
Clear choice: carry on and start disliking myself - or - do something about it.
So I signed up to Weightwatcher's new plan.
I was told I had 29 points a day to satisfy my previously untamed appetite, and I thought that sounded rather generous really. Imagine my shock when I discovered my staple and adored lunch was well over the half way mark of my entire day! And don't even get me started on dinner! Being half Chinese, rice is in my blood. It's a staple as far as I'm concerned, and I adore the stuff. So I nearly wanted to cry when I found out my rice alone (in terms of portion size) was nearly half the daily point allowance too - this is before even counting what I used to eat with the rice!
It's been a cruel awakening, to discover what I have so enjoyed eating is actually the very things making me feel uncomfortable about myself, but it's also really made me take stock. To stop and think about what I am putting in my mouth, has actually been a real gift. Since reducing my portions I have enjoyed my meals a lot more. Knowing it's not from a limitless supply, makes me appreciate it more, and I find myself savouring each bite now, really enjoying the taste (although I admit I was SO ravenous tonight I just about gulped my meal down in 5 mouthfuls!) I find I am thinking about food in a healthier way, and planning my meals with more care and thought. By spending time considering how to maximise my points, I am mixing more foods, and being more adventurous. It's a whole new way of interacting with food and I think I could enjoy this.
I have a feeling (although I am more certain there will be big frustrations, like the intense desire I have to go and reach for the chocolate sitting tantalizingly in the door of the refrigerator...) that this will be a life changing experience, beyond the body shape changing I hope it does too! So I am going to approach it with a sense of wonder, gratitude even, and see what I get.